Office Confessions: I Answer My Phone In A Foreign Accent

Caller ID changed my life. Since its introduction, I’ve been perfecting my foreign accent skills. I’m not saying I don’t care for my own boring  New England accent. I’m just saying that I like to pretend to be someone else. I also sign in as “Marilyn Monroe,” when I go to my therapist’s office. Not because I’m ashamed to be there, but because I like to pretend I’m glamorous and complicated – in that order.

Thanks to my grandfather, my Irish Brogue is quite good; and my Francophilia has contributed to a lovely faux French accent – both of which get lots of practice while I’m at work. It should be noted I don’t pull this malarkey if someone really important is calling or if my boss’ number pops up on caller ID. Obviously, I know where to draw the line.

However, vendors, customer service grievances and fellow coworkers all get the foreign accent royal treatment. I’ve dabbled in attempts at Russian, Jamaican and Southern but my truest talent seems to be in my own ethnic routes of French and Irish. It may not be the wisest way to answer the phone or even maintain a job, but it sure as hell spices up the day – especially when the gossip blogs are having a slow week.


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    • Victoria

      My favorite trick: When telemarketers call and ask to speak to “the homeowner,” I’ll say, “You have the wrong number.” It really confuses them.