Office Confessions: I Swiped Someone’s Bathroom Key

The bathrooms on our floor are locked. I find this to be quite annoying and I’m unsure of the reason behind it. I like to assume it’s to keep us from being attacked by hoodlums when we’re in the vulnerable state of peeing, but perhaps it’s just so it can be an inconvenience.

As someone who walks both to and from work,  I like to stop into the ladies’ room on my way in and my way out. However, the locked bathroom does not allow me to do this at my leisure. No, I have to scrounge up the key first before I can proceed to fix my hair in the morning after sprinting up Lexington, or reapply my mascara before I head out at the end of the day to meet my imaginary boyfriend. And since our office is made up of twelve, sometimes thirteen or fourteen women depending on the interns’ schedules, I’m sometimes forced to wait for the key to be returned before I can use it. As a product of this society where almost everything is instantaneous, this waiting really gets me down. I’m not comfortable standing by the door waiting for the return of the key. I think it’s because I don’t know what to do with my arms: fold them or let them just hang there awkwardly. These are things I think about quite often.

Some of the ladies in our office have their own bathroom keys. These are the lucky ones, as I call them. And from what I’ve gathered, other women at some of the other companies also have their own keys. I want my own key!

A few weeks ago I ventured into the bathroom. Surprisingly it was empty and low and behold a key sat alone on the shelf. Was it a coveted bathroom key? I tried it out and it was. However, I was not raised to steal and take things that do no belong to me. I put the key back and told myself if it was still there the next time I went in, I would then take it. And it was!

I guess one could say I swiped someone’s bathroom key – someone as in anyone on the ninth floor, not just our office – or one could say it was serendipitous. I did want my own so badly, so it sort of makes sense that it would fall into my possession through no fault of my own.

Either way, I finally have my own bathroom key and I feel quite strongly that all is right with the world now.

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    • Adriene

      This is so funny. I loved the “mascara for my imaginary boyfriend” part, and the comment on what to do with your arms while you wait. It’s so nice to read something that isn’t phony, and contains so many thoughts that millions of other women have all the time.

    • Amanda Chatel

      Thanks, Adriene! It’s true though – I really don’t know what to do with my arms most of the time… I’m glad I’m not alone.

    • Emily

      Hahaha we use office bathroom keys where I work as well. There are only about 6 women in the office though. One of our keys is attached to a small twist tie type loop hole instead of some kind of lanyard. One time I got home from the office and noticed I had the key still in my pocket. I returned the next day when I got in though, we only have 2 keys and by process of elimination I figured they would figure out who took it.