A Guide To Interpreting Your Friends’ Career Bragging At A High School Reunion

Chloe: Oh my God! Screw your friends! That stay at home? Guess what? Her kids grow up and move out. That Under Secretary of Commerce or whatever, she gets replaced by the next administration. And the third one, I don’t remember what you said she did so let’s just say she gets hit by a bus. The point is, there stories are already written. You are sitting at a fame intervention next to a hot ass hoe packing a tranq gun. Dude! Your story is just starting! -Don’t Trust The B In Apartment 23


Tonight is Thanksgiving Eve, which for many of us means heading to our hometown and stopping by the local bar and seeing everyone you went to high school with.


You run into people you haven’t seen in years and in an attempt to win the contest of life people often end up reading you their resumes when you ask them how you have been. And they tell you the sugar-coated version of their resumes in which nothing has ever gone wrong in their lives and all of their jobs are amazing. People can’t help it. Sometimes we all feel a little like Romy & Michele and feel like we have to lie about our careers or at least inflate them, especially to the people who knew us when we were most awkward or maybe when we seemed to be on top of everything. Sometimes you just need to keep up the illusion. Anyway, we came up with a very sophisticated analytical system for deciphering what people are really saying when they talk about their careers.

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