Another woman who works full time and is in school for nursing told The Grindstone that she is very worried about all the money the three weddings she is in is going to cost her. She said:
“Being in these weddings is literally going to put me in debt. Basically I can either buy these three dresses (that I don’t even like and will not wear again) and get hotels or you know, eat regularly. I think this switch goes off when someone gets engaged. Even if they don’t have a ton of money themselves they forget and just expect people to dole out the cash. They don’t even think about what they are asking their closest friends to do.”
“Be honest up front,” says Jodi R.R. Smith, author of The Etiquette Book, which includes advice on everything from the proper music selection to the wording on wedding invitations. “If you try to be able to do it, then you end up maxing out your credit cards and going into debt,” Smith said to CNN. “You should never be going into debt for a friend’s wedding.”
In the hit film Bridesmaids, Kristin Wiig’s character Annie became emotionally distraught when she was asked to be maid of honor and she inevitably loses her job. No one we talked to lost their job as a direct result of being in a wedding but one woman said she got in trouble for planning the bachelorette at work. She knew it wasn’t right but she believes brides get away with a bit more planning at work.
About 90% of women do wedding planning on their company’s time, according to a recent survey by TheKnot.com, WeddingChannel.com and ForbesWoman.com . Some bosses, however, appear to be fine with a little wedding planning between work calls. According to the survey 43% of respondents say managers were supportive and understanding of their wedding planning and were willing to overlook a bride-to-be’s temporary distraction during the months leading up to her wedding . Management may turn a blind eye because they are happy these women are getting married. Planning their wedding is their one last great hurrah before they settle down and get more serious about their careers. As Sheila Robinson Kiss, psychotherapist, author, humorist, and trainer, said “marriage represents a secret rite of passage in the eyes of many people that represents a sense of stability, reliability, and grounding.”
Weddings are just getting bigger and more lavish every year (as of 2010 the total wedding market was expected to be worth $42.73 billion) and though we want to be there for our friends and are so honored and excited when we are asked to be part of the celebration, we forget what a commitment it is to be in a wedding. Nobody wants to be a maid of dishonor but do any of us want to have a breakdown on a plane either?