When the Oscar nominations were announced in January, we noticed right away that women had been completely shut out of at least seven entire categories, including best director. We also knew the ceremony would be hosted by the king of bro humor, Family Guy creator Seth MacFarlane. Somehow, we still didn’t know just how lousy last night would be for women.
1. The evening’s first big musical number was called “We Saw Your Boobs,” and it was about the hilarious fact that many top actresses have appear bare-breasted over the course of their careers. LOL boobs! As Vulture’s Margaret Lyons recommends, “As a fun game, count how many actresses he mentions in this song who are portraying rape victims.”
2. MacFarlane made rude cracks about Jennifer Aniston (he suggested she’d been a stripper) and 9-year-old Quvenzhane Wallis (suggesting she’d be Clooney-bait in just a few years because LOL George Clooney is kind of a gross old man who dates a series of interchangeable young hotties).
3. He joked that Zero Dark Thirty, about one woman’s years-long quest to bring down Osama Bin Laden, is an example of “a woman’s innate ability to never let anything go.” Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha.
Also, oh yeah, the Oscars themselves! It was a super-weird ceremony. There were two (two!) tributes to the 2002 movie Chicago. The Life of Pi won the most awards, including Ang Lee‘s award for directing. Michelle Obama presented the Best Picture award to Argo. Ben Affleck gave an affecting speech in which he thanked his wife Jennifer Garner for working on their marriage.
But let’s end on an undeniably awesome moment: Best Actress winner Jennifer Lawrence pretty much won the night when she tripped walking up the stairs to receive her award (legit GASP! moment) and then recovered with a natural, funny speech that somehow turned her clumsy moment into something charming. “Thank you so much,” she began as the audience rose for a standing ovation. “This is nuts. You guys are only standing up because I fell and you feel bad. That was embarrassing.”
Next year, Academy, how about Tina and Amy? Pretty please?